Wednesday, October 31, 2012

An open letter to New Haven, Michigan

Don't Be Dumb

Here are my beefs with how the wussification of America has effected Halloween.

First off, don't be dumb.

November First is when the Catholic Church celebrates All Saint's Day. October 31st is All Hallow's Eve. The word Hallow means "holy." Hence the abbreviation Hallowe'en. You can't just move it to a different day because it's cold or wet.

New Haven, Michigan has moved Halloween to Saturday because it's supposed to be rainy, windy and cold out tonight.  First of all, I remember going trick or treating in the snow.  Second of all, you can't just move a day.  Why don't we just move June First to the middle of December?  I like that idea.  This way, we'll have some warm weather in December.  Better yet, why don't we just move the whole month?  I'm overjoyed that I don't live in a community run by a bunch of idiots.

Second off, don't be a wuss

Many communities have an ordinance that places a curfew on trick or treating.  7 - 7:30 pm.  Really?!?!  We didn't start until it got dark out.  We stopped when there were no more porch lights on.  After our neighborhood was exhausted, we'd have a parent drive us to another one.
Oh look.  It's dark.

What's the deal?  All of a sudden our kids can't be out after dark?  Are they going to turn into a pumpkin?
Stop being a wuss.

Last, get a grip

Many elementary schools will not allow kids to bring toy weapons as part of their costume.  I understand the reasoning behind that.  But are our teachers and school administrators that lazy that they are unable to closely observe students to verify that it is indeed a toy?
They also don't allow anything "scary."  Fake blood is definitely a no-no.  What?!?!  Halloween is all about being scary.  It's the most spook-tacular holiday there is!  
Not allowed.  Too scary.
America, we really need to get a grip.  The wussification of this great country has gotten completely out of hand.  I foresee a future where trick or treating is completely banned.  Where our young boys have to dress up like ballerinas or fairies or some such nonsense when they go to school.  What a load of crap.  We need to take a stand.

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